


In A Giddy Whirl

by waldorph



Series: giddy whirl [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s01e08 Mash Up, F/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-25
Updated: 2009-10-25
Packaged: 2017-10-02 19:39:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waldorph/pseuds/waldorph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck is a bad ass motherfucker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In A Giddy Whirl

Okay, so Schue doesn't _say_ pussying, but Kurt's smiling in priss satisfaction so whatever.

Schue looks at Rachel and says, "Not That Girl?"

Her eyes go ridiculously wide and her smile spreads as she stands and smoothes her skirt. "From Wicked."

He nods encouragingly, and they share a geeked out moment of bonding over _Broadway_.

Usually when Rachel sings shit like this, and _especially_ this song (not that Puck has ever even heard of Wicked- whatever, man)? This kind of song should be a solo performance for Finn, and it's kind of shocking how much that thought pisses Puck off _before she even opens her mouth_.

_"Hands touch, eye meet- sudden silence, sudden heat. Hearts leap in a giddy whirl…_" she sings, and fuck, you know? Girl really has a set of pipes, and she's not just _saying shit_ when she lectures them on really feeling what they're singing: she means it.

Finn looks awkward and kind of smug, like he knows this is for him and it's-

Puck and Finn have been friends forever, way back when Puck was Noah and staring at Barbie in complete bewilderment in Mrs. Krugeman's preschool class. Barbie was not kosher- his mom flipped the channel whenever a _commercial_ came on. Finn had known all about Barbie and Ken- mostly because his mom was trying to make her five year old realize that when a boy and a girl are together, they should _always be together_. So Noah had been the really painfully Jewish boy and Finn had been a pretty horrendous product of a bitter single mom and-

They kind of stuck. And somehow they got popular, and sometimes Puck's pretty convinced that Finn is _terminally stupid_\- immaculate conception, what? (He kind of wants to tell Rachel, which is such a bad idea, but it would be kind of hilarious to watch her rant about misinformation and misconceptions in teens about contraception and sex, and how abstinence-only teaching is such an awful, hurtful idea.)

Anyway, Puck and Finn? They're pretty tight, Quinn's baby not counting.

But right now Puck wants to reach over and punch him in his splotchy face. Rachel finishes in a really quiet voice and he looks back over at her- and she's not looking at Finn- she's looking out at some imaginary audience, probably hearing their applause and adoration.

Kurt is sniffling and wiping at his eyes, Mercedes patting his back comfortingly. Brittany and Santana are holding hands, and Quinn looks vaguely unnerved.

"That was amazing, Rachel," Schue says. "So, we're going to do something Broadway- your assignment is to pick any Broadway song- from… Cats or Wicked or RENT or… Once Upon a Mattress, I don't care. Just make sure you get Artie or the guys your music by Tuesday, so they can be ready for you, okay? Right, so!" He claps his hands together. "Let's take 'Don't Stop Believing' from the top, full choreography. Here we go!"

Quinn is looking at him with a pained expression before he even looks over to catch her eye, and they share a moment of deeply hating Schue for being a teacher and _terminal_ about shit like putting someone's boyfriend in a love song with someone else's- whatever, Rachel said her piece and they're not.

And he's fine with it. Didn't even get to touch her tits, but whatever, man, he doesn't do virgins.

Anymore.

…_Damnit_.

* * *

Okay, so the problem is, he got to make out with her, on her bed, in her like, eye-searingly pink room (which, no no, that wasn't the problem at all), but he never brought her home to meet his mom. Which kind of was the point of the whole thing- to prove to his mom that he could totally bag a Jewish girl.

That he doesn't belong on fucking Schindler's List as one of the _Nazis_.

So he stops Rachel in the hall a week after they broke up- or…whatever it was that they did- and she like, _flinches_\- and what the _hell_, he doesn't even have a slushy. _Crazy_.

"So here's the thing," he says. "My mom is going to like, put me into rabbi-in-training classes if I don't prove to her that I'm a good Jew."

"That's very sad for you," she says, slamming her locker.

"Yeah, no, I'm the twelfth member, right? And if I have to go to yeshiva, there goes Glee. And by extension Regionals, and by extension, Nationals, and by extension Julliard, by extension- "

"You're _seriously_ blackmailing me into pretending to be your girlfriend?"

"C'mon," he wheedles, with his 'yeah, I'd fuck you' grin. "You can call it practice for your future on the stage."

She's totally onto him, which is fucked up because _they never catch on_ to him. She juts her chin, and he's kind of horrified to find that he thinks she's adorable, and then shakes his hand.

Then she comes to Shabbat dinner and charms his mom and his sister.

His sister is like, thrilled that a Jewish girl is normal and not their mother, and his mom is thrilled that she's such a _good_ Jewish girl.

She's wearing the exact shirt his Nana wears, and a black cardigan, and her Star of David on prominent display. She's wearing a skirt because she's Rachel and she knows the fine art of being a tease. Sure, it's knee-length and kind of severe but it…kind of reminds him of that way too short skirt she wore the day he got slushied and she'd sat in his lap after cleaning out his hair and okay, wow, Rachel is kind of the devil. Because now all he can think of is the way her thighs had looked and how easy it would have been to slide his hand up and just kiss her.

He should have just stayed on the football team. Then he wouldn't have to deal with the fact that his mother is inviting Crazy over for next Friday, and _this might turn into a weekly thing_.

* * *

And the thing is, _why didn't he_ stay away from Glee? It was an easy out, and despite what Rachel assumes… he joined for Finn, not Quinn.

Because Finn's not as popular as he thinks he is: he fools everyone into thinking he can be the right amount of dick by dint of being a moron. When Finn's an asshole it's because he doesn't get what's actually going on, but Puck can be worlds of douchebag. Puck's fucked a lot of moms, and don't think he won't use that fact against their sons. Puck's hot, and he's ripped, and he is a bad ass motherfucker.

So Finn got shanghaied into Glee and Puck and Matt and Mike followed, because they've got his back even when he's so stupid it hurts. And then Coach Tanaka gave them the ultimatum, and he'd sat on his bed and stared at the wall and spun his football over and over.

Matt had called and said, "Santana will kill me if I don't pick Glee. Plus, I dunno- Kurt will definitely pick Glee and then we'll be shit and there's no future there- my Mom's totally on my case about college, due. I dunno- Glee's got scholarships, or… a ticket out."

He was right, of course, and they'd win Nationals next year because Rachel wants to and Puck's pretty sure that Rachel actually can do anything she wants (mostly, and he can't say this enough, because she's CRAZY). But football was- football was short term success, and he's never really been a long term kind of guy.

And he'd been going to go to practice. Except 3:00 had hit and Matt and Mike had square jaws as they watched the clock tick, and their teammates gritting their teeth like they think they're going to intimidate _him_, and that's totally what makes him walk through the door. He totally wasn't thinking about the look on Rachel's face until he was walking in the door and then he saw it and kind of thought maybe this was the right choice, and who gave a shit about reasons?

* * *

Except now his mother thinks he's dating a Jewish girl, and Quinn keeps giving him the eye, and he's kind of pissed off at Finn for being the guy who gets both the girls and who goes to Coach to flip practice around because he couldn't man up and be…fuck, Puck doesn't even know- a gleek.

Finn chose, and he chose wrong, and Rachel- whatever.

"So, you and Rachel," Finn says.

"Yeah?" Puck grunts because he's not gonna make this easy. Kurt looks between them and purses his lips. If he sighs, _"Boys!"_, Puck doesn't even care, he's going to tape his ass.

"She's a good girl, man," Finn sighs. Puck and Kurt both stare at him.

"Dude, what?' Puck demands. "Rachel isn't 'good,' she's fucking crazy and tunnel-visioned and scary as shit."

Kurt nods, leaning against a locker. "Ambition thy name is Rachel. She would cut us all if she thought it would get her closer to a Tony. Or an Emmy. Or an Oscar… pick your statue, and she will cut you for it." He pauses and considers. "But in a totally divalicious way, you know? I'm thinking like, Maria Callas."

Puck huffs a laugh because what the hell, and Kurt grins at him and then they remember that they don't really like each other and look away.

"Wait, so- what're you doing for Broadway?" Mike asks, glancing at Kurt before obviously deciding he doesn't care and dropping his towel to put on his boxers. Kurt flushes and looks away determinedly.

"Mr. Cellophane," Kurt says. "I did it for my audition, so I realize that it's a bit predictable, but I believe in sticking with my strengths."

"That's cool," Mike says, then shouts over to Matt, who's studying someone else's deodorant and clearly trying to decide if it's worth it; "Hey! Song?"

"No idea- I'll Google some shit tonight," Matt says, and throws the deodorant back into Tyce's locker. Dude should really lock his shit up.

"Luck be a Lady, thanks for asking," Mike snorts at them all. "Puck?"

"One Song Glory. Artie's gonna help me with the chords and shit," he shrugs, like it's no big deal, but seriously- Artie's cool. He almost feels bad for putting him in a port-o-potty.

Finn stares at him, then says, "Grease Lightening."   


* * *

When he steps in front of her when Vin goes to throw a slushy and then punches Vin in his hockey-playing douche face?

He realizes he might have a problem.

Rachel's kind of frozen, her hands raised and her shoulders hunched, and she's staring at him like she thinks he's crazy.

Which is… probably a good point.

"Mr. Puckerman, what on- "

"He made an anti-Semitic comment," Rachel says. "Noah was defending our religion, in a regrettably violent manner, of course, but but I think that given the persecution of our people and the fact that Mr. Morris has been having us watch Sophie's Choice and Shindler's List in class Noah's overreaction should be forgiven."

Ms. P stares at Rachel, then at Puck, then at Vin, and then says, "Please make sure it doesn't happen again, and help Mr. Brown get to the nurse's office, Finn?"

Finn looks between them like he's going to take an enormous shit- which means he's confused- and then nods and helps Vin and his bleeding nose to the nurse.

And Puck's kind of a jerk, but Rachel's been the only one to ever say shit like that to his face. He's a jerk, she's high maintenance, and they're good looking Jews.

It's like Fate or some shit.

* * *

And they are two good-looking Jews, and it should be natural. And…

"You're wooing Rachel, aren't you?" Artie says after they work on his song. Artie's cool.

"I- no."

Artie grins. "You are. Big moments, dude. I would recommend talking to Kurt, and watching _10 Things I Hate About You_ for pointers. Mercedes says to tell you that Rachel likes white roses, not red, and Tina says that she likes to watch movies where the men do back-bending kisses, which you can't ever repeat or tell anyone that I told you," Artie says.

Okay, so he's got Glee's blessing.

Which is…weird.

* * *

"I need help reaching that note," he tells her.

"I- what?"

"You said you got Finn to reach it."

"The elusive high B?"

So he gets back to singing in her room every Tuesday, and her black gay dad, Dan, grins at him slightly and the white gay dad, Adam, gives him the stink eye.

So whatever, Rachel's dads are kind of whatever about him, which is better than Santana's parents had ever been.

It's subversive warfare, and when he waves and Dan waves back and says, "See you next week, Puck!" Rachel stares at him.

When he sings "One Song Glory" and hits the notes? She looks like maybe he hit her with a 2x4. He knows, because he never stopped watching her face.

No homo.

* * *

"Okay, so we had sex like, three times, and you never sang me a song," Santana informs him, crossing her arms.

"And we never had sex, but that was a hard-core- the _second_ hard-core ballad you've sang to Rachel Berry. What is going on with you?" Brittany demands.

Santana nods. "Yeah, because seriously, this is like, epic 90s teen flick, going on."

"What we mean is: are you Heath Ledgering her?"

"What?"

"You know, big overtures to get the girl- "

"- Because of a bet? Because we're not her biggest fans, but that is so low, Puck, even for you."

He stares at them, because it's possible that all chicks are crazy and _he never noticed it before_. "I'm- there's no bet."

They make a noise that breaks his eardrums and hug him. "Oh my God," Brittany says. "If you need any help, Puck? We are there."

"Totally. It'll help Quinn- "

"Because Rachel will stop eyeing Finn- "

"Which she hasn't really been doing anyway, lately- "

"And? It's adorable. You can take her to the Winter Ball!"

"Wait- "

"We'll take her shopping! Oh my God, best idea ever- we should all go! We'll get all the Glee girls- "

"Oh, _brilliant!_" Santana finishes, and he stares at them blankly.

"O…kay?" He tries.

They both hug him and then run away to apparently buy dresses for the Winter Ball.

He doesn't even _know_.

* * *

The thing is, the war between Jocks and Gleeks and Jocks isn't over, and Puck has about had it.

"This has to end," he says.

"Dude, how?" Matt demands.

He sits down with Mike, Matt, Quinn, Santana and Brittany and the six of them come up with all the shit they can think of on _all_ the jocks.

"Shouldn't Finn be here?" Matt asks.

"I need him to play 'good cop', man, what?" Puck says, and gives him a look.

"Right," Matt grins.

And they do, because Puck is mean as hell and Quinn's just as nasty as Sylvester when she wants to be, and all the Cheerios are still terrified of her, even when she's three months pregnant. And Puck threatens to drop nuggets to the kid with the blog, and then Finn does his bit about how they should all be one big happy team and family and the guys don't know what to do except to fall into line, because the status quo is easier than continuing the war, and there's peace by the start of November.

* * *

They all go as a group, which is totally lame, but he buys her a corsage and he tells her she's gorgeous in her ice blue dress and she beams up at him.

They dance as a group and Tina laughs and pushes Artie around, and then she stands on the arm rests the way April had at the end of the number and he pushes her around and peeks up her skirt. Puck had grinned and raises his glass to him, because Artie is a cool dude.

Mercedes and Kurt continue their really weird reenactment of 'Will and Grace,' and Quinn leads a lot of the dances, and Puck definitely does not think about the way that Rachel's hands are really tiny in his and she really is just this beautiful small person. She sings along to all the songs and fits against him and really? No one can blame him when he leans down and kisses her.

"I'm having a really great time, Noah," she whispers, and he smiles and rests his forehead against hers and says,

"Me too."

He takes her home, and she invites him in. Her dads aren't home and he kind of doesn't know what to do with that until she tells him about the conference Dan's at, which makes him feel less like they're giving him their blessing to sleep with their daughter.

Well, he still thinks that Adam hates him entirely, and the moment that stops he's going to freak the hell out.

She turns her back and says, "Can you unzip me?" in a quiet voice, and he does. She has a white lacy bra on and panties that match, the kind that says she was planning this but he just palms her cheek and kisses her as she unbuttons his shirt.

They slide under her still painfully pink sheets naked, and he kisses her neck because she always arches her neck for him, sliding his hand down her side, sliding fingers between her legs and rubbing her clit lightly with a knuckle as he slides his middle finger into her. She's wet and tight, but there's no sharp hiss like there was with Quinn, which means Rachel probably has a naughty little something in a box under her bed.

He wants this- he wants this to be good, in a way he hadn't worried about with Quinn through a haze of alcohol and the way he never worried about it when it was someone's mom who'd already had sex and popped kids out.

So he keeps stroking her and kissing her, and her fingers on his shoulders clench as she arches into him, sweat shining in the light from her iHome on her collarbone. He can feel her tighten around him and try to grind onto his fingers and then shudder once, twice, and then spasm, breath catching in the back of her throat and _fuck_ she's hot. He wipes his fingers on the sheets and he's so hard it's starting to hurt, watching her fall apart and she slides her hand down and palms him and laughs a little. She spreads her legs a little and leans over to pull open her nightstand drawer and hands him a condom, and he laughs a little incredulously as she says,

"Come on, Noah."

So he pulls back and rolls it on, because what, he's not stupid. She's tight and slick and she's nervous about where to put her hands and what to do with her legs, so he reaches between them as he slides out again and presses back in, thumbing her already-sensitive clit. She kisses him, tongue sliding against his and arching against him, one of her legs hooking around his and pulling her closer and closer and it's kind of weird that she doesn't have a soundtrack for this, weirdly intimate to hear the slide of their skin and the sound of their breathing and he keeps waiting for it to go hot and dirty but it doesn't- it's hot, sure, but not…urgent. So when he finally comes it's like a surprise, like getting hit on the back of the head, like that slushy in the hall a couple months ago.

Except better and _God_.

Things go dirty in the morning, after she kicks him out and makes him brush his teeth with a fresh toothbrush. She comes up behind him in the bathroom and turns on the shower and she's like, completely naked and throws him a condom and says, "Come on."

So he does.

Even when they slip and fall in the tub it's still hilarious and amazing and she is a _very_ quick learner.

* * *

The Quinn baby-daddy stuff hits the fan around February, which is a month before Regionals.

Finn tells Mr. Schue the story about the sperm in the hot tub, and Mr. Schue sends him to Miss P, who explains to him that no, it doesn't work like that.

He breaks up with Quinn, and Quinn tries to come sobbing to Puck, who is a bit of a jerk, so he tells her to fuck off because he's not going to play second-fiddle to two girls.

Then Rachel comes up and slaps him.

"How could you say that to her?" she demands. "She's carrying your child- "

"And she wanted me out of her life until it wasn't convenient for me to be gone!" he shouts back. "She's giving it up for adoption, and she doesn't want a daddy, she wants someone to hold her hand- "

"You got her pregnant!" Rachel shrieks. "It's you _responsibility_ to step up even when you don't want to! Have you even _spoken_ to Finn?"

He stares at her, and she glares up at him, this tiny little like, nuclear bomb of rage. "Okay," he says. "Okay. I'll talk to them. You're right, I was- I was a jerk."

She glances around like she thinks someone hit him with something. "Um- yes. Yes, you are."

"I'll fix it- I'll try," he repeats, and she sighs. "Just don't make it _worse_, Noah."

Finn shoves him against his door. "How could you?" he demands. "How- you know how much I love her- "

"Meanwhile you're eyeing Rachel?" Puck snorts, except wait, no, that's not not making it worse, so he bites the inside of his cheek and says, "We were drunk, and stupid and not thinking. She chose you, man. She chose you to be the guy who stands beside her through the whole thing because you're her Heath Ledger."

Oh God, now they have him doing it.

"…What?"

"You're her leading guy. I'm the jerk mistakes happened with, and now it's all fucked up, man, but- you're the guy."

Finn looks at him. "I can't believe you two did this to me."

"I know, man, and I didn't want you to find out- not because I didn't want to- well, yeah, I didn't want you to be pissed at us, but because you're the one who's gonna make a great dad."

"She's not keeping it."

Puck looks at him. "You've named it, haven't you?"

"Drizzle. But Quinn says I'm not allowed to- "

"_Drizzle_," Puck repeats, and then laughs, and Finn looks at him, wants to stay mad, but Puck's the one who's a dick and Finn's the guy who gets the girl because he's a _nice guy_, and then he laughs reluctantly.

"I know we're too young and shit, but…" he shrugs.

"Yeah," Puck agrees. It sucks- the whole _thing_ sucks, but maybe Mr. Schue with his wife are a good cautionary tale or something.

"So..what is with you and Rachel?"

"I dunno, she's in my head," he says. "She calls me on my shit and she likes my family- "

Finn is staring at him with such a soppy smile he breaks off.

"Shut up," he mutters, and Finn just looks like Puck's had a big emotional epiphany and yeah, okay, he's been a jerk about Finn ever since this Quinn thing started. Finn is a bit of a dope, but he's got the best heart Puck's ever seen, and he's still his best friend.

They stay up and watch _10 Things I Hate About You_ so that Finn understands what Heath Ledgering is. Then they watch T2 and a few episodes of the Sarah Connor Chronicles because Puck is going to make Finn remember John Connor's name if it kills him. Plus, robots and Lena Headey and Summer Glau kind of guarantees that the reestablishment of their masculinity.

He calls Rachel when he's walking back home; she doesn't pick up, because it's Saturday and on Saturdays she sleeps until 10.

"Hey, so, I think it's okay with Finn. He's mad and hurt and shit, but he gets why we did it, and he's a good guy. I dunno if they're going to last out of high school, or even into next year after the baby, but…" he sighs. "Call me when you get this, okay, Rachel?"

She doesn't call him, but when he refreshes her YouTube page she's uploaded herself singing, _In Praise of the Vulnerable Man_, doing it a little more sweetly than Alanis Morrissette (he Googles to find out who did it originally), and he counts it as a job well done.

Then he downloads the video so she can't just delete it, and calls Quinn.

"I'll pay for the medical bills," he says. "If you want."

She's quiet on the other end and says, "Insurance covers a lot of it. But they might need medical records and stuff… I mean, the adoptive parents."

"So we're okay?"

"We're okay."

"Cause- you know. If you do…need shit and stuff- "

"Yeah."

It's the most awkward phone call _ever_, but he thinks maybe they're fixing things. Maybe they can all get through this.

* * *

The dress-rehearsal for Regionals sees a full-fledged Rachel meltdown.

"Oh my God," Kurt says, clutching Mercedes arm as they both shrink back as Rachel informs them that they're hitting the down-beats too hard and something about turning isn't working and don't they know that-

"C'mon," he says flatly, because Santana is looking at him with a _"Do something!"_ expression and Quinn is trying hard not to laugh and Finn just looks even _more_ nervous. He grabs her arm and hauls her out of the room, and Mr. Schue looks up and says,

"Puck- "

"No, let them," Mike says. "Otherwise we're all gonna have a nervous breakdown."

"F-f-f-f-f-for r-r-r-r-real," Tina agrees, and then he shuts the door and looks at Rachel.

"Finn is flat," she says.

"No, he's not."

"He is. And I completely overpower him vocally- clearly Artie should have been lead- or you. You have surprising vocal depths and maybe Sectionals was just a fluke and if this fails then this is my _life_ and- "

"And freaking everyone out is going to help how?" he demands, folding his arms over his chest.

"- I can maybe stand losing Nationals but to lose Regionals- _what?_"

"You're freaking them out. Kurt's cowering. Tina's stutter is _worse_, and Finn's probably going to cry."

She blinks at him. "Maybe my nerves have gotten the best of me."

"Maybe," he agrees.

"This is not this movie where I am the talented songstress who falls for the bad boy with a heart of gold," she informs him.

"Yeah, it kind of is," he grins, and steals a kiss.

"I am badass enough to deal with the ups and downs of your high-maintenance-ness," he informs her, pressing his forehead against hers and she laughs and wraps her arms around his neck and says,

"That is true. You have impressive guns."

"Hell yeah."

And then he kisses her, because that's how it works.

They win Regionals.


End file.
